A couple days ago I got my letter that states that I will not be one of the finalists for the National Anthem in LA for the Deseret Book's Mormon Night at Dodger's Stadium in August. I was thrilled that I made it through the qualifying round, but I will not be going any further then that.
I know that many people would expect me to be disappointed, and I know others that are disappointed that I am not one of the finalists, but I wanted to point something out to you guys.
As you all know, the economy is a bit difficult right now, and this competition is set up differently then I thought it was from the application and other materials that I had read on it before I entered it.
From the letter that I was sent, I learned that there will be 6 chosen to go to Dodger's Stadium, and then the winner will be announced there, and they will get to sing. I know what my personal situation is. I just started a new job and it would have only been worth going to LA if I knew that I was 'the one'. The reason being that the winner gets prize money that would have off set the cost of going. I know that there are other cash prizes as well, but it just would not have been worth it to me personally to have taken that financial risk, plus the date the performance is on is also the same day that I would have been in teacher training for my other job that will start this fall.
I do love to sing, and I am glad that there are so many that do appreciate it, but for some time, it has not been the center of my life. My family has been, and I have sung for church and political events. I like it that way. I like my freedom. I entered because I was encouraged to do so, and would have gone through with it, but only if it was clear to me that it was what God wanted me to do.
There was a time when I knew singing was exactly that, and then later it was clear to me that working with grassroots politics was what He wanted me to do. Educating my children at home for 3 years was also one of those things that was clear to me. Now it is having them attend the private school that they love, and sacrificing so that they can. I feel a strong desire at this time to provide for and to protect my children, to make sure that even though I am in school and now working, that they are safe, feel loved, and are able to still have their testimonies develop. With the world we live in, that is essential for them.
I look forward to the day when I am able to have saved enough and have rebuilt all that I have lost in storage, that I can go back home and be there for them. And the job that I have now, that is the way that can happen, and although it is difficult to work full time and go to school full time, I know that there are blessings in this.
So, those of you who are feeling bummed out that I did not go on further, it is ok, really it is. I really do not need the praise of the world to be happy. :)