When You Find it Hard to Forgive

When it comes to forgiving others, I definitely am familiar with the struggle that can occur inside.

Anyone who has become familiar with events in my life knows that I have many different experiences that would test my ability to forgive. In this post, it is my hope to share with you some of the things that happened to me that caused me great pain.

However, this post is not about those who caused the pain, but how I was able to forgive them. My answer may surprise some people due to its simplicity, but, it is how I was able to come to terms with my negative life events, and heal layer after layer.

Because I have forgiven people, I am not going to name anyone. I am simply going to list the wrongs that I have suffered in my life.

• Physical Abuse as a child
• Sexual Abuse as a child
• Emotional Abuse as a child
• Witnessing Abuse of others
• Attempted Rape (when I was 17)
• Ridicule and Rejection by police, church members, and co-workers for attempted rape
• Taking Sexual Advantage when I was in and out of consciousness due to a car accident
• Attempted murder
• Broken Covenants
• Physical Abuse of my child
• Molestation of my child
• False Judgements
• Abandonment
• Infidelity
• Physical Abuse as an adult
• Sexual Abuse as an adult
• Theft
• Purposeful Deception/Manipulation
• Unrighteous Dominion/Control

Through the years, I have come in contact with a lot of people who misunderstand forgiveness. Forgiveness is for me. It helps me let go of the fear, anger and bitterness, so that I can heal. 

Forgiving someone does not mean that we subject ourselves to them or their issues anymore. 

We do not continue to extend trust to someone who has been untrustworthy just because we forgive them. 

I was able to forgive because of my faith in and love for Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ has said that of us it is required to forgive all men. The Bible mentions forgiving someone who has trespassed against us seventy times seven. 

When you have been abused or have gone through the things that I have, it can seem crazy at first to even try to forgive someone. It is important that we recognize that forgiving someone does not mean that we justify or accept their bad behavior. That is something completely different. 

The definition of forgiveness is: a conscious and deliberate decision to release feelings of vengeance or resentment towards someone. 

One of my favorite talks on forgiveness, talks about an entire community forgiving what many would say is unforgivable. But yet, they did it so perfectly. 

My path to finding forgiveness started out logical. It was a decision that I made. And it was based on the simple truth that Jesus already paid for the sins of those who had trespassed against me. I pondered upon my desire to be forgiven of my sins. And the Lord has told us if we want forgiveness, then we must forgive others. I wondered why that was. 

After a lot of thought, I realized that the Savior has already paid a very high price for the sins of all mankind. If I refuse to accept his sacrifice on behalf of those who have hurt me, it is like me saying that what he did was not good enough. I am demanding more from him and others. I am denying the power of the atonement. 

If I have faith in Jesus Christ, I believe that he will make all things right. This does not mean that we do not hold mankind accountable to the laws that they have broken here on earth. I believe that we need to do that, so that they have an opportunity to repent as well. Sometimes repentance comes when someone hits rock bottom. 

When I accepted Christ's love for all of us, and the reality that his sacrifice did pay for all sins, I was able to forgive. After all, he forgives the 'unforgiveable' in me. Each of us are going to make mistakes. We are all going to fall short. But, we can find healing and wholeness, when we give our pain and burdens to the Lord. They are his anyway. He already bought and paid for them at a really high price. We don't need to withhold what is already his from him. 

I hope that if you are struggling with forgiving someone, that you will remember what the Savior has done for you, and for those that hurt you. The atonement is for both our sins, as well as the pain that we suffer from the sins of others. Turning to him helps us to be able to focus on the love that he offered us, rather than increase our bitterness by never choosing to let those negative feelings go.

The Liberty of Forgiveness

 “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” D&C 64:10

“Age does something to a man. It seems to make him more aware of the need for kindness and goodness and forbearance. He wishes and prays that men might live together in peace without war and contention, argument and conflict. He grows increasingly aware of the meaning of the great Atonement of the Redeemer, of the depth of His sacrifice, and of gratitude to the Son of God, who gave His life that we might live.
I wish today to speak of forgiveness. I think it may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern.”
–President Gordon B. Hinckley (Oct 2005)

To forgive is to “cease to feel resentment against an enemy or a claim to requital for insult.”  When it is put into this context, it seems so much simpler to forgive.  We determine to let go of any feelings of resentment or of a belief that we have a right to be compensated or to have some form of retaliation take place to make things right.  We determine that we are going to give this burden of pain, sorrow, anguish or even loss to who it belongs to, to the One who paid for it already, on His knees, on a mount full of olive trees.
When we do not forgive ourselves or others, we are denying the sacrifice of Jesus Christ we are saying that He has not paid enough for the sins of the one we refuse to forgive.  We are denying the atonement and taking upon their sins and ours upon ourselves.

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Ephesians 4:32

Our Father in Heaven forgives us based upon the life and sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ, upon His merit, and not our own.  Because of the high cost of this sacrifice, we should be much tenderer with one another, and forgiving, because He has already paid the price of what has occurred, what is presently occurring and what will yet occur.  Forgiving does not mean that we forget the lessons that can be learned, including when to withhold trust, but it means to give that burden away so that its chains of bitterness, pain and sorrow cannot hold you.

When we forgive others we are truly free.  We are free to love more, to see each other as Christ sees us, and to develop a better relationship with Christ.  When we acknowledge that He has given all and paid for all, we come to know Him and love Him.  We heed his call that beckons us to come unto Him, all of us who are heavy laden, and He will give us rest.  Rest, from the burden and stress from carrying the sins of others and ourselves that He already offered to carry for us.  When we accomplish this, we can feel his enveloping love as He says to each of us,

“Verily, verily, I say unto you, my servants, that inasmuch as you have forgiven one another your trespasses, even so I, the Lord, forgive you.” D&C 82:1

“Behold, your sins are forgiven you; you are clean before me; therefore, lift up your heads and rejoice.” D&C 110:5

To read other great articles like this one, visit  http://www.LDSLiberty.org

The Greatest of Thanksgiving| The Fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ

There are many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, and each day I have been posting what I am thankful for on my Facebook, but above all of the blessings that I am thankful for, I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the hope and liberty that it brings to me, and all those who exercise faith, even a particle of faith, and believe.




These days, there are many that speak of Jesus Christ as a fable, a story. One of the greatest blessings that I have today, is a testimony of Jesus Christ, His divinity, His mission, and the reality that He does exist and that I have been blessed to have a personal relationship with Him. Through many trials, afflictions and heartache, He has always been there, to guide and direct, through the Holy Ghost. If I did not have this great blessing, I would be lost, and find myself full of fear in these perilous times, but there is a guide, a well lit path that has already been cleared for us. While we will not have a life free from thistles, briers or thorns, we have the greatest of all gifts given to us, that enables us to repent and be forgiven.



Anyone who has tasted of the sweet fruits of repentance and forgiveness cannot deny the power of the gift of the atonement that our Savior Jesus Christ wrought on our behalf. This is the season of thankfulness and gratitude, let us remember those things that bring us eternal joy, and show our thanks and gratitude, by living like we believe.