Sunday, March 29, 2009


This blog entry is going to be different then previous entries as well. As I go through all the emotions and various thoughts that I am facing with all that is going on, I find that writing is very therapeutic.

I want to be able to just write about what I am thinking and feeling whether it is something that I would normally be open with or not. I just need to feel heard right now, and this seems as good a place as any.

One question that I have asked myself is, if I will be able to trust again after I have experienced this shock to my system, or will I always question every guys motives from here on out. I would like to believe that I am still me, and that I will still love as deeply and trust as completely, but I do find myself from time to time questioning people's motives already.

I have had my heart broken in more ways then one the last several weeks. Not just from my ex-husband, but also through a good friend, and it seems that it is something that will continue until I actually find someone that I can trust and will be there 100%. Many of you would say that it is way too soon to be thinking about these things, and you are probably right, but I am human after all. Mu deepest desires and dreams have not changed that much.

At this point, I do not mourn the loss of my marriage. I actually feel a relief right now. I do mourn the loss of friends, opportunities that I felt were robbed from me, and there is a loss of security as well. I am not angry about this anymore, just struggling to face all those challenges some days. I still have not found the right job, where I can still be around as much as possible for my children.

I am hopeful about meeting new friends, and creating an entire new life of my choosing. I just don't know what it looks like yet. I do know, that it would include being married again.

I am so glad that I went to the temple last week. It really put things into perspective for me. I reflected on my Patriarchal Blessing, and the covenants made, and felt the confirmation of the spirit, that there was a man out there that would make and keep those covenants, and as long as I kept living worthily, that the Lord will bring him into my life.

The divorce papers are now signed, and should be filed sometime next week. I feel like this normally should be painful or a hard thing, but instead I feel a burden lifted. The determination I had for my marriage some say was miraculous, and looking back, I am not sure how I did it all. One small step at a time I guess.

The burning question in my mind right now, after finding out I had been lied to for the last 4 years is.... Will I ever know that someone is telling the truth? When someone tells me they love me, will I be able to believe them? Or will I think that they are being honest when in fact they are lying to me? And I tell myself, that will also be solved in time. With each new experience that I have.

Well, my blog is taking on a new chapter to it now. One that I am not sure everyone will want to continue following. I am still trying to be involved in political things, but my heart is not in it like it was. Instead, I am seeking for healing and hope that I will find someone that I can just truly love, that will be faithful. I don't think that is too much to ask for.

My ex does want to try to work things out, if he can work through his issues, but I am just no where near ready to do that. However, he has been in my life for almost 1/2 of it, so I am willing to still be friends. I care about him and his welfare, but I do not see myself ever being his wife again.

My standards are higher now too.... You see, I realize who I am now, after going through the last 12 years. I know myself well enough to know what I need, what I can offer, and I look forward to seeking for that, eternally.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Returning to my Roots

I have made it safely to Utah. I just wanted to let everyone know. I am sorry for the short notice of my departure. I am trying to get things to stabilize here and so my entries are likely to suffer for a little while.

I never wanted to leave Missouri, but life happens while we are making other plans.

I wanted to also take this moment to tell everyone that I appreciate their support and emails during this time.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Save Our Springfield Town Hall Meeting

Here is the video I recorded last night.

Friday, March 6, 2009

His Hands -Music Video

Nationwide State Sovereignty Rally March 26, 2009

Keith D. Miller the host of BlogTalkRadio's conservative talk show, "AmericaFirst" (, called for March 26, 2009 to be declared as "D-Day" on his February 28, 2009 program. Miller started the show by giving a "true state of the union" and then proceeded to call for Americans to join together on March 26th all 50 states capitals for what he called "Demand Day.

"The Federal government is out of control and unresponsive to the people of these United States, said Miller, "Congress has repeatedly encroached upon the rights of the people and the States in clear violation of the Ninth and Tenth Amendments to the United States Constitution. They have not honored the provisions of Article 4: Section. 4. of the Constitution by failing to "guarantee to every State in this union a Republican Form of Government" and "protect each of them against invasion."

"The Founding Fathers believed (as outlined in the Federalist Papers) the state legislatures were to be the first line of defense for the people of these United States against the Federal governments attempts at exercising rights not given to them by the Constitution or in violation of constitutional authority " went on to explain. "The purpose of these D-Day or Demand Day rallies at the various state capitals is to bring a groundswell of pressure upon our state governments. We will demand the state governments serve notice to the Federal government, that these usurpations or encroachments will not be tolerated."

Keith D. Miller, a native of Dexter, Kansas, served as Co-Chair of the Support Republic Committee formed to stand against the ACLU's attack on the city seal, as Director of Development for the National Legal Foundation, two terms as the Mayor of Republic, Missouri, as Missouri Team Leader for Former Speaker Newt Gingrich's American Solutions, and as a Regional Coordinator for Missouri Roundtable for Life.

Complete information about the "D-Day" Project can be found on Miller's website: or

“AmericaFirst” is an interactive, live Internet talk-radio show that focuses on a conservative view of current events and news that affect our American way of life. Miller interjects faith and common sense into the news and political arena. 'Get your daily dose of PAT (Plain American Talk) and common sense" from host Keith D. Miller. Callers are encouraged to call (347) 843-4786 to listen or ask questions. The stream and archives are available at The show is live every weekday morning at 8 a.m. Central/ 10 a.m. PT. The show is hosted on BlogTalkRadio.

Callers are welcome to join the conversation during the show by calling (347) 843-4786. The live, Internet talk-radio show will stream from the host page at An archive will be available at the same link immediately following the show or listeners can subscribe to the archives via the RSS feed located on the host page.

BlogTalkRadio is a free, web-based platform which allows any user with a phone and a computer to host a live, interactive Internet broadcast. Hosts call into the service by phone, managing callers on the web-based host dashboard. Shows stream live directly from the host’s BlogTalkRadio web page with archives available for all past shows. BlogTalkRadio has been featured on ABC News, The Washington Post, Portfolio, Talkers Magazine, and The citizen broadcasting network can be found at

Press Contact: Keith D. Miller (417)827-8364 or

Sunday, March 1, 2009


This is a great video on prayer. I am currently going through a three day cleanse, and during this time, I have cleared my schedule of the usual things that I do, and I am focusing a great deal on my spirituality and relationship with God.

I pray each day, and read the scriptures, but I think at this time, it is a good idea to do more. We take vacations to get a break, we set appointments for special events, but how often do we take time to just approach God for a few days?

What would happen if we did that?

So, I am going to spend the next three days pondering, praying, and reading about Christ and the prophets. If I am going to cleanse myself physically, I better take care of myself spiritually as well. I will likely be posting a bit more often if I feel like sharing my experiences, or media that I am reflecting on.

Though Perilous Times Come, Hope Remains.